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Which way to turn? Please Help 2 kids involved
my husband is constantly blaming me for things that is not my fault.
For instance, I don’t work I stay home with the kids, my life revolves around my kids, and him. I wait on them hand and foot, I don’t go anywhere or do anything unless my husband wants to do it. He is constantly blaming me for not having any money when he is the one spending it all. I pay bills and groceries, gas, and he spends the rest on hunting or fishing or whatever he wants to do. I can not tell you the last time he done something that we wanted to do. I had to buy school supplies for our oldest son and guess what I had to budget, he only has exactly what he needs and half the list wasn’t even bought. What am I suppose to do?
Stop making your world revolve around your husband and kids. I don’t know how old your kids are but unless they are infants, it is time for you to grab some independence.
You need to first stop feeling disabled or degraded by his blaming tactics. Blaming others is a symptom of feeling helpless or not wanting to make change for oneself. Your husband know the frustrations that abound within your family unit but would prefer to not have to sacrifice anything or take any responsibility for improving things.
Why don’t you take some of that extra money left over each week or month and put it in a savings account under your own name? You are the CEO of the family and yet are not paying yourself, while allowing him to draw from the account. While he may say that he earns the cash, you earn your share too because without you he’d be lost I’m sure.
Get a job if you can, even a part-time day job and use that cash exclusively for your own desires. I know this will be difficult at first when you are so used to taking care of others, but this is the point; you need to take care of yourself as well. You deserve it, its yours.
If all the kids are in school why not get a full-time job? Then you’ll definitely have more weight economically, maybe not a lot but more than you do now. Expect that he share part of the burden of the house and child care and stop waiting on him hand and foot.
I don’t know why women think that as soon as they are married they have entered into a contract of indentured servitude for life, but you have not. Being a woman, wife and mother should not mean being a slave.
Get your man to work with you, to see your side. Tell him you’ll get a fulltime job, help with the bills but that you, just like he does, will have your toys and your spare time to use them. If you want a canoe, a mountain bike, a fishing pole and the time to use them, go for it. When he stops his playing, you stop yours. When he plays you watch the kids, when you play he watches the kids.
Try to work this out on your own and take steps to make change within yourself. I can’t guarantee that you’ll get a cooperative husband but you will get a stronger foothold on your independence.
From there you can begin to save your money for the day when you’ve decided you’ve had enough and you are ready to jump if he won’t take the leap forward with you.
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